Yes to Yummy

Slutty Brownies (gluten-free + vegan)

August 22, 2014 2 Comments Print this page

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What happens when you combine a chocolate chip cookie, an oreo, and a brownie?

Magic. Magic happens.

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And can you believe that these are actually healthy for you?! That’s right–they’re gluten-free, grain-free, dairy-free, and vegan. No weird chemicals or preservatives in sight, either!

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Why did I decide to make these? Well, besides the fact that it seemed nearly impossible (and thus ten times more fun and rewarding to bake), I made them for my driving school teacher on my last day of class.

This summer, one of my biggest goals was to learn how to drive, and as of this week, I have completed all 30 of my classroom hours and spent upwards of 40 hours on the road. (Now I just have to wait another month to get my license, as you have to hold a permit for 120 days before taking the road test.) I honestly wasn’t looking forward to sitting on my butt learning about stop signs for 15 2-hour sessions, but driving school wound up being a great experience–all because of my teacher.

A good teacher really makes all of the difference in the world. Instead of being bored, I found myself laughing and actually absorbing what I was being lectured about. (What a concept!) One of my driving instructor’s favorite analogies to use was one concerning a b***h @$$ ho, in which (the mostly male) class was told that, like when dealing with a hot girl, you should look up instead of down when driving. (Good advice, guys!)

So yes, these bars are actually called B***h @$$ H0 Brownies, too.

That was an interesting tangent. Insert picture of food here!!!

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These take a little (OK, a lot) of work, but they are SO SO SO worth it. I usually limit myself when I bake, but after I took a bite of one of these…let’s just say I was really glad I had put them in the freezer, or else I would’ve surely eaten the entire batch. Not gonna lie.

Ready to make this promiscuous dessert? I hope so. Let’s get baking.

First, preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line an 8 x 8-inch baking pan with parchment paper, then grease well with coconut oil.

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The first step is to make a batch of my Chocolate Chip Cookies, excluding the arrowroot powder (which will make them too crunchy and dry in this case). It’s pretty simple: combine 1/2 cup of organic palm shortening with 1/4 cup of unrefined cane sugar (or coconut sugar), then add 1/3 cup of maple syrup, 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract, and 1/2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. Pour in 2 cups of almond flour, 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and a generous pinch of salt…then add 1/2 cup of chocolate chips…and you’re done! Click the link for more pictures and specific instructions.

Squish the cookie dough into the bottom of the pan and use your hands to flatten it slightly. Place the pan in the fridge while you make the Oreo cookies.

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In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine 1/4 cup of coconut flour with 1/4 cup of cocoa powder, 1/4 cup of arrowroot powder, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda. Mix on low speed, then add 1/3 cup of softened coconut oil, 1/3 cup of maple syrup, and 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract. Once well-mixed (and resembling a dough), transfer to a piece of parchment paper or wax paper and top with another piece of the same material.

Using a rolling pin, roll the dough out until it is an 8 x 16-inch rectangle.

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Using a sharp knife, cut the piece of dough in half to form two (approximately) 8 x 8-inch squares. Make sure you have at least two inches of space between the two pieces–you don’t want them to fuse together in the oven!

Transfer the bottom sheet of parchment paper with the dough on it to a baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven until solid to the touch, about 15 minutes. Let cool COMPLETELY before using and DO NOT touch–the cookie squares will be very fragile!

Meanwhile, make the filling.

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In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine 1/3 cup of organic palm shortening with 1/2 cup of organic confectioner’s sugar, 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, 2 tablespoons of coconut flour, and a pinch of salt. Beat on high until light and fluffy, about 3 to 4 minutes.

Once the cookie squares are cool, take the baking pan with the cookie dough out of the fridge. Carefully lift one of the cookie squares up and place it atop the cookie dough (it should fit perfectly). Spread the filling atop this piece of cookie and place the other cookie on top, pressing very gently to squish the filling a bit.

Put everybody back in the fridge while you make the brownie! (Don’t worry, you’re almost done. 🙂 )

Oh, by the way, my brownie recipe is adapted from here. Yum! 😀

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In a small saucepan, combine 3.5 ounces of dark chocolate chips with 1/4 cup of unsweetened almond milk and 3 tablespoons of coconut oil. Heat over medium-low, and once the chocolate just melts, take it off.

Pour it into the bowl of a stand mixer and add 1/2 cup of pumpkin puree (oh fall, you can’t come soon enough…), 1/2 cup of maple syrup, 1/4 cup of coconut flour, sifted, 1/4 cup of tapioca flour, 1/4 cup of cocoa powder, 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and a generous pinch of salt. Mix on low to combine, scraping down the bowl once or twice to make sure everything gets incorporated.

Take the baking pan with the cookie dough/Oreos out of the fridge and scoop the brownie batter on top of it. Using a spatula, spread it out until relatively flat, then place in the preheated oven. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the brownies comes out clean, about 30 to 35 minutes.

Transfer immediately to the fridge and chill for at least two hours–preferably five or six. Then, using a sharp knife, slice into 9 giant, 12 medium-sized, or 16 small brownies.

Store in an airtight container in the fridge or at room temperature for up to three days. But they won’t last that long. Nope.

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What is your favorite unhealthy indulgence? Leave me a comment here or on Facebook and let me know!


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